Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Randomize
