Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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