I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize