What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
