I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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