its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
