As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
