i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize