1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
