alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
