counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
