those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
