Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
