my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
