i think my tv is drunk
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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