Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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