and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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