I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
