yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
