my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Please don't give away my fajitas
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
