I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
