69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize