tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
