More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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