omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize