you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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