its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
