Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
