dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
