woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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