its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's rum buckets o'clock
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
