im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
