also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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