I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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