actually, I'm a sock model
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
