Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
