well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize