You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
