Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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