is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
