Whod you bang
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
