It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
