did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
