I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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