i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
