as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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