fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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