Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
