It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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