it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize