oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
