it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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