Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
