your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
