if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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