Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
3 2 1 whiskey
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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