Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
