I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize