Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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