This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
