I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
