did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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