I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
