She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
