The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
