i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
