Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
