There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
