Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
