I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
