On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
