His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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