Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
