he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize