those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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