She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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