He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
