i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
