he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
