you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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