You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
