i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
