I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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