OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
