woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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