The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
