Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
